Blissful Marriage

One day when Hazrat Aisha (RA) was spinning some woollen thread, she looked up to see Prophet (SAW) with a golden glow of contentment on his face, mending his sandals, sitting beside her on the floor. She praised him with a poetic quotation and he, never to be outdone in gallantary, kissed her forehead gently and said, “O Aisha (RA), may Allah (SWT) reward you well. I am not as much the source of joy to you as you are to me.”

we live in a society that revolves around the term ‘wedding’; be it social gatherings or tv serials, nothing is deemed complete without it. Our businesses thrive on this term: fashion designers, make up artists, caterers, photograhers and even carpenters would have been starving if this term didnt sum up the whole meaning of our lives. But how many of us look beyond this term and think of a closely related term which in fact is the reality behind the contract signing ritual: marriage. Sadly, very few!

I was difficult to be convinced to get married. When I finally did agree to get married, I knew I had chosen just the right guy. I had made a decision and I knew I could not let anyone or anything weaken my decision. For that I needed to strengthen my decision further which could only come through knowledge.

I was engaged for exactly 9 months and during this time I had to mentally prepare myself to live in a house I had never seen even in my dreams, leave the only country in the world I called home, call a new family my own and dedicate my whole life to a man I had met only thrice. This was all too overwhelming for me. Alhamdulillah, my susraal was always a relief and because of them I knew I was getting married to the right person. But, there were still people who would instill all sorts of negativity in me about my decision. So, instead of thinking about this all the time, I was able to find ample time to study about Islamic Marriages (interestingly, there is not much stress on weddings in Islam).

I am not saying that I had an Islamic wedding but I had a very simple wedding as compared to most weddings I have attended in the past few years. I wish I could have an even simpler wedding if I had not gotten weak. Some times you just have to give up cuz of ur own extended family’s cultural values. I wish I could have been stronger. I am not even saying that I adjusted to my new life style immediately, in fact I am still trying to adjust. After all, even water takes a while to calm down after its hit by a small pebble and no matter how much you prepare yourself, you dont really know how the experience would be until u start living it.

But that does not mean you should not prepare yourself at all. You cannot just enter the examination hall with no preparation at all unless you wish to fail. You might not be able to solve all the problems, but at least you have to make an attempt. And that is precisely the reason why I am doing this series of posts: I want to share what I have found regarding marriage with all of my readers, knowledge might give you the courage to initiate the change. If you are a guy, its a bit easier to be assertive in our society. Go ahead and be the change you want to see.

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6 thoughts on “Blissful Marriage”

  1. You know :), our Quran institute teacher was talking about her brother’s marriage. She mentioned that these rasms (cultural rituals) are very common yea, when the bride and groom enter the house after rukhsati, sweetmeats and what not… and then the money-extracting-before-letting them go business wegaira. So she said that in her house, NONE of this happened. All that happened was that YES, all family members gathered when the bride and groom entered that place, and her dad gave a small dars… and in the end, he cried and prayed again and again… ”May Allah Give love between this couple, like the love between Hazrat Muhammad (pbuh) and Hazrat Ayesha (RA). 🙂

    What a superbly lovely (and simple) way of greeting the couple after rukhsati. And SO much better than idiotic rituals replete with mostly indecent catcalls :S

    Nice post 🙂

  2. Defniitely agree with your second last line. If you’re a Pakistani guy in the subcontinent – you have it way easier than the woman.

    Looking forward to your posts.

  3. Well-written, Leena! Way before getting married, both the man and the woman should educate themselves regarding marriage in Islam. There are so many beautiful verses in the Quran and hadith that teach us how to behave towards our spouses, and what are our rights over each other. Unfortunately, more than anything else, families focus more on the “wedding” than the marriage itself.

    My nikah was performed in a beautiful masjid in Sharjah after Isha prayers, then we had our dinner reception in a hotel in Dubai. Next day, we had our valima. No rituals, no music, no dancing, and definitely no posing of the bride before the male photographer!

    “Some times you just have to give up cuz of ur susraal’s and ur own extended family’s cultural values.” That is so true, Leena. We were able to make it very simple since there wasn’t an extended family here to interfere 🙂

    May Allah bless your marriage with love, health and happiness.

  4. Hey,
    I’m just going to start reading your series of marriage posts now but bfore that gotta tell you, i’m excited because this is exactly what I’ve had in my mind.

  5. Though I’m late in replying to this post, and would have loved to reply before you were done writing the posts in continuation to this one, but I must say, this is a great topic you’ve chosen to educate people. As Nadia mentioned, families focus more on the ‘wedding’ than the marriage itself, and I can’t agree more.

    May Allah bless you.

  6. @ Uni
    I seriously do want weddings to be a celebration but all the extravagance has become a norm in the society which usually takes away the essence of wat marriages are meant to be. I wish more and more people cud get back to the roots and be more interested in the ‘real’ things which really matter. sadly, this has become a part of us in all walks of life. We are all more interested in knowing wat mobile a person uses rather than wat sort of education he/she has! How superficial!

    @ minerva
    men usually get it their way, if not, they can always threaten to get it their way

    @ Nadia
    u guys were lucky to have wedded in sharja, u just ant do that in pakistan. but nonetheless, i had my nikah at a masjid after jum’a prayers. i wanted my nikah to be in a masjid but Alhamdulillah my susraal gave this idea before i even said anything 🙂

    @ Doe
    i hope u have read them all 🙂 there’s still one in the pipeline waise

    @ Haris
    its never too late 🙂 hope it helps

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