Why she stayed?

Silicon Valley CEO abused wife for 10 years, jailed for 30 days only

Yes, you read it correctly. Only 30 days.

And what angered me more was that the judge actually asked her why she stayed for so long?

And since I have read this, I have been thinking the same, why she stayed? She was an educated, independent woman who was an engineer at Apple. She should not have tolerated this abuse even for a day. How did she let it be for 10 years?

But is it really so easy to get out of abusive relationships?

Unfortunately, no. It’s not easy at all. It’s in fact, very difficult.

Abuse is very common, a lot more than we think. In fact, we overlook it most of the times. It’s something we don’t want to talk about, scared that people might be judgemental towards us. But by doing that we also make our loved ones feel that being a victim of abuse is something to be embarrassed about. Also, if the abuse is psychological, we often don’t pay heed at all.

Abusers have one goal in mind: to take (and mainten) control over the victim. To do so, they can choose any method: fear, intimidation or guilt to make sure the victim does not ask for help or try to get out of the situation.

All abusive relationships work in a cycle: the tension build up, the explosion and the honeymoon period. The explosion is the time when the abuse actually happens and can be triggered by something very petty and the honeymoon period is the time when the abuser pretends to act sweet and tries to win over the victim again. This is also the time when although the abuser apologises for his/her behaviour but also makes sure to tell the victim that it was only the victim’s actions that forced the abuser into committing that act. Victims of abuse over time loose confidence and start believing this lie slowly and gradually that it’s their fault to be in such a situation.

One of the many reasons why Neha Rastogi decided to stay with her abusive husband Abhishek Ghattani for 10 years. Because she loved him. And because she believed him when he told her that every time he abused her, it was her mistake.

But that’s not the only reason I must say. Victims often start doubting themselves: what if I will be unable to cope? What if he really will change just like he promised me last week? And things like this only make the victim fall deeper into the abyss.

And then of course the social stigma. Since childhood, girls are bombarded with the idea of them being the damsel in distress who would be saved by their knights in shining armour. They dream of their weddings and divorce is often seen as a failure of being a good wife and/or mother.

And then finally when a victim musters all the courage to actually take action, the judge asks her, “Why did you stay for so long?”

 

Protein Hair Treatment at Home

Written by Sumayya Feroz

Edited by Pragya Shrivastava

I have always put emphasis on finding alternatives for beauty treatments, which are both time and money consuming. So here is a protein treatment for hair which you can try at home.

INGREDIENTS:

EGG 1
HONEY 1 table spoon
ALMOND OIL 2 tablespoon
VITAMIN E CAPSULES 2
HOW TO USE: Whisk all the ingredients properly. Apply with fingers or brush on your hair from root to tip. After applying the mixture wrap your hair with a hot towel and a shower cap and leave it for 1-2 hours, now you can enjoy your popcorns while watching TV or finish your chores. After 2 hours wash your hair with shampoo of your choice. At the end of the shower, use a mixture of one table spoon of ACV (apple cider vinegar) in a big cup of tap water to rinse your hair.
RESULTS: As Mr. Egg is rich in proteins, amino acids etc., it will give your hair a nice smooth texture, but please be patient because home remedies take time.

You can repeat this home remedy in every 15 days but if your hair is damaged because of excess exposure to heat (blow dryers, straighteners, curlers) repeat this once in a week.

Finally , I want to share my thoughts on people getting very materialistic these days, running after the high end products whether they can afford it or not. Please for the sake of your peace don’t do this. If you cannot go to salon for facials or any other treatments don’t be depressed instead find alternative products and home treatments. And be thankful to your creator for you can even afford home treatments, you have an egg to apply on your face or hair where millions of people still don’t have anything to eat, so next time don’t be depressed when you see someone around using high end products.

Love you all, Sumayya

Sumayya is a microbiologist, who loves experimenting with beauty products and makes sure she looks and feels good even when she is short on time.

Singapore – From my eyes I

Those who know me personally, know quite well that I love and respect Singapore a lot. Although I am not a citizen myself, I find myself defending Singapore every where I go and with every one I speak to.

I first visited Singapore in 1995 as a tourist and while travelling back from Singapore I made a little innocent wish of being able to visit Singapore again. I never knew that I will get married to someone 4 years later who lives in here. I moved here in 2009 after I got married and 8 years later, its become home now. Yes, I love pakistan but I respect singapore deeply.

In this post I will only speak about cultural and religious freedom that I have here.

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Singapore is a multi cultural country with people of all religions living with harmony. It’s main languages are English, Chinese, Malay Bhasa and Tamil and the citizens comprise mainly  of Chinese, Malay and Indian origin. The main religions here are Christianity, Islam, Buddhism and Hinduism and there people from all religions are allowed to practice their own religion in their own way as long as they do not interfere in any one else’s practices.

I have spent a chunk of my childhood in UAE and some time in UK for my studies. Although I have never really faced serious bullying in my life directed particularly towards me but I have been called ‘Bloody Paki’ and treated as an inferior muslim for being a pakistani Muslim rather than being an Arab. But a lot of people might be unaware but I’m protected by law in Singapore against such discriminations. No one can call me names due to the way I look (the color of my eyes, my hair or my height can’t be commented upon), I can roam around in shalwar kameez the whole day without being worried about someone being judgemental,  I can sue someone if their dog touches me (yes, this muslim sensitivity against dogs is highly regarded), halal food is readily available and I can even pray publicly in a park without being stared at. Also, the Muslim laws of marriage and inheritance are being looked upon by the Sharia courts of law.

And the best thing about living in Singapore is that we have lots of public holidays too: 2 each for each of the 4 main religions which also ensures that we do not have to worry about going to work on Eid day 🙂

* the beautiful picture of Sultan Masjid is not mine but taken off the Internet. Sultan Masjid might be the most famous masjid of Singapore as it’s a popular tourist destination but there are lots an lots of masjids and some of them very beautiful and majestic in terms of their architecture. The Islamic schools (medrasaa) are in abundance too masha Allah.