Its me

Its the sixth anniversary of me being a hijabi.

I still cant believe it. Time flies, I have come a long way in these 6 years and I just thought I had to talk about this experience.

More than a year ago, I was watching My Name is Khan in the cinema, a movie which made me wipe off my tears from my cheeks several times, but there was one particular scene which stayed with me much after the movie ended. It was the scene where Sonia Jehan gets her hijab pulled off by a man walking past her in a hallway. I have been lucky, very lucky not to have gone through anything so drastic but my journey hasnt been clear of huge lows, stereotypical biases, racial comments and curious stares.

Hijab always attracted me. I seriously dont know why because I always liked the idea of covering up even when I didnt know what the Qur’an says about it. My parents never coerced me to wear anything specific. They were pretty much fine with watever I chose to wear as long as it wasnt too suggestive. As for me, I loved dressing up. And my hair was one part of my body I drew a lot of confidence from. A bad hair day would always make me very nervous around people. So hijab was a very difficult decision from me. I couldnt just start wearing something which would cover that part of my body that I thought made me look good.

But, I didnt really had the guts to take up hijab as a way of life. The first time I felt compelled was when my MSc thesis supervisor, himself a confused agnost, asked me why I didnt take the hijab when I was a Muslim, was born in a Muslim country to Muslim parents. I was baffled at this confrontation and all I could say was, ‘not wearing the hijab does not shake my faith and I do not think that I am drop dead gorgeous that men would be seduced if I wouldnt wear the hijab.’ But obviously it was his comment after this that left me dumbfounded. He said, ‘I am not one of those who think that Muslim women wear the hijab because they think that all men that they come across are rapists but because it lets them stay true to the way of life that they have chosen for themselves.’ I just couldnt believe what he had said. He was supposed to have biases against hijabis, he wasnt supposed to advocate that!!

This incident just popped more questions in my mind and I needed to know the answers to all of my questions. And where else could I turn except the Qur’an.

And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband’s fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers or their brothers’ sons, or their sisters’ sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss. [24:31]

Now if you look at the translation it simply talks about covering the bosoms. I was already doing that. Digging in deeper, I found out that the word used in the Qur’an for veil is khimar to cover the bosom. According to the historical records that have been preserved, the pre-Islamic Arab women wore a head covering called “khimar” . It covered part of their hair, but left their forelocks, ears, necks, and upper chests uncovered. Thus the command “to extend their khimars to cover their bosoms” involved drawing the khimar securely around the circle of the face and fastening it under the chin so that the ends fell down towards the bosom. This would cover all of the hair, the ears, the neck, and the upper chest. And this is where the concept of the modern hijab comes from and that is why most Muslim women opt for a scarf for the hijab.

All those people who think that all women who opt for the hijab should stay at home must take note that hijab is something which actually allows women to roam around more freely…even without worrying about being stared at by men with lust or if these women are tempted themselves, the hijab should serve as a reminder to them. (Obviously, you can give examples of those women who would do anything wrong, considered haram in Islam, even when in the hijab but for that you can only blame them and not the logic behind t he hijab itsef). The Qur’an never stops women from going outside. So, if you are a man, dont lock the women at home. Let them study, work and just be themselves.

O Prophet! Tell thy wives and daughters, and the believing women, that they should cast their outer garments over their persons (when outside): that is most convenient, that they should be known (as such) and not molested. And Allah is Oft- Forgiving, Most Merciful. [33:59]

While talking to a few friends, I was also able to see another perspective of the above ayah: if you are a Muslim, let the world know. Thus, its like flaunting something you are proud of. Did it mean I was not proud to be a Muslim? That just couldnt be true. I wasnt a good Muslim, I am still not. But I was always sure that Islam was the only religion for me.

Obviously, once this was known that Qur’an talks about hijab and that it doesnt force women to stay at home, I just needed something to finally just help me take the decision. And then came the brutal earthquake of October 2005. It stirred me deep within. Watching dead bodies coming out of the rubble from the Margalla Towers, I knew it could have been me. Yes, ME! And yes, this was what I was waiting for some time. Just a week later, I left home with my dupatta securely fixed on my head.

I knew I would face opposition. I face that every day. People laugh at me, call me with humiliating names, ask me stupid questions and often judge me. Do I care? Yes, I do. And tht is why my conviction grows stronger every day. My urge to enhance my knowledge base grows every day too because I know that every time I can answer people with curious questions, I bring them closer to the understanding of my faith, to understanding that I am not an oppressed woman. Instead I am a strong woman who makes her own decisions and knows how to stand by it even at times when most people would be tempted to step back. I do not intend to change anyone’s opinion. But I know I can make people respect my opinion, my freedom of expression.

Is it difficult to accept me the way I am? Am I too rigid? But what do I do…Its me! And if this is really me, I am freer than ever to be what I am. Just let me be. I dont ask much from other; all I ask is acceptance, acceptance as a normal person. Is it too much to ask for?

 

Confused?

I find it really interesting when I read some of the questions by Muslims all around the world like, “Is nail polish allowed?” or “Can I wear heels?” or “Can I get my eye brows done?” and the best of all, “Can the color of my hijab/jilbab/abaya be other than black?”

Oh well, arent we making our lives too difficult? Is Islam really supposed to be so confusing and difficult to practice?

I wouldnt say that questions like these do not bother me. After all I am a hijabi woman and I end up questioning my modesty pretty much every day. Islam teaches us one basic rule of thumb when it comes to questions like these: Muslim women are supposed to adorn themselves only for their husbands and for no one else. In addition to that, women should always look like women and not men. Ah, this makes life so much easier. On the contrary, it doesnt. We all know that being decked up with make up and jewelry is hardly practical while making chapatis. You see it gets really hot in the kitchen and it after all aint very comfortable to be wearing well fitted clothes when you can instead be lazing around in ur old PJs once you are done with your household chores. So, I am one of those lucky women who actually dont get dressed up for their husbands and get away with it by saying, “its too hot.” Now u cant blame me because it actually is always really hot and humid in singapore…so hot that most people prefer to remain half naked! So now that I dont adorn myself for my husband, what do I do wen I go out? Simple, not wear heels which make too much noise or wear so much perfume so as not to attract gazes from the opposite gender. I do not wear gothic make up and nor do I wear flourescent colored hijabs. And yes, I do get my eye brows done…remember, I am supposed to look like a woman, not a man! I remain simple but simplicity does not mean I have to look hideous. A little make up wont make me the most gorgeous woman in singapore, neither would a delicate bracelet make men think of me as sex goddess!

PS: I am not a scholar and am not trying to be one either. The above is simply my opinion which I have made over the years by reading various texts. My opinion might be wrong and might even change over time. If you intend to follow any of what I have written, please do not blame me on the Day of Qayamah

 

Why, oh why? [Women and Masjid (Pakistani Perspective)]

Growing up in a family like mine, I never realy felt any biases against myself due to my gender. I had the same curfew time and went to the same educational institutes like my brother. I learned to drive pretty much the same time and interesting both of us were taught to offer salah by our grandfather too. In fact, a lot of the times it was my brother who thought I always got the advantage, being a girl, and got away with a lot of things and now wen I think back, I cant really deny that completely

But as I grew older and started going to Pakistan more often (and then later lived there), I realized, things were ‘culturally’ very different from what I had been taught at home and from what I had learned from books. I am not saying that Islam really differs too much between the two genders, but the difference is way too visible in the predominantly so-called Islamic State. You know, as it is said, if you want to understand Islam, look at Islam itself and not Muslims. This saying started to become a reality for me.

Soon, I found out there is not a single masjid nearby where women could go to pray if they wanted to. Funny. Yes, I am a Hanafi and I always knew that Prophet Mohammed (SAW) encouraged women to pray at home but did that mean women are not allowed into the masjid at all? I started digging for answers and interestingly, I found a hadith which says:

Hazrat Abdullah bin Omar (RA) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, “Do not prevent your women from attending the masjid, even though their houses are better for them” [Sunan Abu Dawood]

Not bad at all! This was all very logical…something I knew already but just didnt know from where it came. Praying at home is better for women but Islamically, men could not prevent women from praying at the masjid. The meaning was straightforward: a masjid is supposd to provide proper facilities for women at masjid and then it is upto the women whether they want to go or not.

Now, talking about fiqh. Hanafis are usually the most strict wen it comes to women praying at the masjid and as it is the predominant fiqh in Pakistan, I really needed to know whether it is something cultural or Hanafis really believe that going to masjid is, in fact, haram for women. I found the following:

Hazrat Aisha (RA) has been reported to have said, “If the Messenger of Allah (SAW) was alive to see what women are doing now, he would surely have prevented them from entering the masjid for prayer just as women of Banu Israel were prevented” [Sahih al-Bukhari]

Now the above is simply an opinion by Hazrat Aisha (RA), not a ruling. It is also of common knowledge that Hazrat Omar (RA) prevented women from attending masjid for prayer as part of the law during his reign without making it part of the religion itself. Futher, the fatwa on this matter must be scrutinized far more carefully:

“It is disliked for women to attend congregational prayers in the masjid even for Eid and Juma prayers, and even for old women attending night prayers, according to the more reliable position in Hanafi School, due to the corruption of time.” [Imam al-Haskafi, Radd al-Muhtar ala al-Durr, 1/566]

So, again, it is disliked and not considered haram as the common misconception in Pakistan. Further, if you look at the Hanafi rules, you will in fact find various laws regarding how a woman should behave in a masjid if she is having her periods. Now , if according to Pakistani jurists, women are not allowed in the masjid at all, why do we need to talk about wat a women should do if her periods start when she is in the masjid?

And then at times I think, if women are allowed to go freely to markets, lawn exhibitions, fashion shows and social gatherings where men and women intermingle, often (not always obviously) in the most un-Islamic manner, then how can going to masjid be considered haram? Sadly, in a country like Pakistan, even the most religious women often have to miss their prayers because they were either stuck in a traffic jam or were buying essentials at a market. You would be shocked to know that most shopping malls in Pakistan do not even have a prayer room for women and interestingly, most shops remain closed till around 1 in the afternoon.

So what are women supposed to do?

Well, I guess just wat they have been doing so far…prayers can wait!